Day before the wedding craziness.

Because I’m a workaholic, I only took off Wednesday and Thursday before my Friday wedding. Not only did I just take three days off, I also scheduled a job interview for that Thursday morning. Yes, somehow I managed to drive from San Jose to San Francisco in time for an interview starting at 9:00 am, interview from 9 to 12, drive back from San Francisco to San Jose, change clothes, drive to the nail salon in Los Gatos, get lost in the process, cry just a little bit, find the nail salon, have a manicure and a pedicure, pick up D., and get to the ceremony location at 3:30 pm. Phew.

(I got the job, btw.)

 

You’re never fully dressed without a smile.

In preparation for the wedding, D. and I were going to whiten our teeth. We don’t smoke or have really yellow teeth, but we both drink tea, and D. drinks coffee. I want us to look as good as we can for our pictures. Originally, we were going to pick up GoSMILE B1 tooth whitening kits from Sephora. I’ve used samples of the B1 product and liked the results. It didn’t irritate my gums and trigger sensitivity in my teeth. However, in the mall, we got distracted by a Spa White teeth whitening kiosk. It seemed similar to the Zoom! whitening process, but it was only $150 (plus tax). D. and I got excited and gave it a shot. During my procedure, my gums felt like they were burning and my teeth were tingling. After the 15 minutes, my teeth were whiter, but they were also very sensitive. Even now, my gums are very tender. D. had a much better experience. Our teeth are definitely whiter, but I am not going to do it again. State dentistry officials across the country are weighing in and shutting down some of these kiosks. In the future, I’m sticking to the whitening kits.

 

What to do?

What do you do when your fiance is offered and accepts a new job that relocates you both to the West coast?

Well, one: Your brain says: OMG!OMG!OMG!OMG!OMG! over and over until it makes your stomach queasy. At that point, you get nauseous, and you feel like you are going to a) throw up or b) take a spontaneous dump on the floor. *plop* (or both.)

Two: Learn how to breathe again and be mindful of the state of your bowels.

Three: Alternate between being excited and psychotically anxious.

Yes, we have paid for the deposit for our location, found our baker and photographer, sorted most of the details with the caterer, and now we’re going to move. We can’t have the wedding before we move. The new employer wants us out there in less than a month. (Plus, I’d lose my mind for sure trying to rush a wedding and preparing to move across the country.)

So, as of right now, we’re still going to have our wedding in the DC area. It’s closer for our friends and relatives. We’ll have to plan everything from afar and fly from California to attend our own wedding, but I think we can pull it off.

What would you do?

 

Running of the Brides

Tomorrow is the Running of the Brides at Filene’s Basement in Towson, MD. A small part of me wanted to go, but the rest of me said, “Are you crazy?!?” I don’t feel like fighting with crazed Bridezillas over dresses. I want a nice, flattering dress, not a high fashion dress. I highly doubt I’m going to find a dress that suits me while other brides and their minions are ripping dresses off the racks. I haven’t even tried one dress on at a regular bridal salon yet.
I seriously need to start looking for someone to go with me to shop for dresses. Shopping is not one of my expertises. Maybe I’ll post an ad on Craigslist.

 

Little Secret.

I want to crash a 07/07/07 wedding. I don’t want to cause any drama. I just want to observe… kind of like going on a wedding safari. Lots of brides have picked that day as their lucky day. It wouldn’t be difficult to find one. I could look through past engagement announcements, or just hang out in the lobby or ballroom area of the big hotels. (Don’t fear, 07/07/07 brides, I won’t actually crash your weddings because my manners (and D.) prevent me from doing it.) I’d love to see how the couples incorporate 07/07/07 into their weddings though.

 

Uncle!

I give up. I can’t take Alli anymore. Not because of the diet restriction or the rumored explosive diarrhea… I give up because of the wicked constipation it caused.
Yes, I have the gastrointestinal system from the Bizarro World.
I realized that I needed to stop taking this drug when I was becoming envious of those who have been racing to bathrooms to prevent crapping their pants.
The indigestion was really annoying, especially at night when I was trying to fall asleep, but I could tolerate it. This system backup is another story. I put a fair amount of food into my body, I expect more of it to go out.

Alli makes Bizarro sad.
(Image borrowed from Rick Cortes)

 

Irked.

You know what irks me? Brides who blog to promote their wedding-related businesses. They come in under the radar. You’re comforted by the fact that they are also experiencing the same pre-wedding stresses that you are, but then they start posting about their stationery, bakery, wedding planning services, etc…

*BAM* Halfway through these postings, you realize you’re reading thinly-veiled marketing material advertising the business’s new promotion. It’s a dirty trick.

She’s a vendor in bride’s clothing! What happened to our bridal solidarity? We confided in you with our insecurities and experiences with vendors, and now you’re using it as a business advantage. I’d love to see wedding communities put their feet down and screen their bloggers to prevent this. If you’re working for-profit in the bridal industry, you need to buy ad space just like the other vendors and quit pretending to be just another bride.

 

Beach brides

This past Wednesday was our two year anniversary. To celebrate, D. and I planned a trip to Key West for a short vacation. We both had never been to Key West before, and we were in the mood for something laid back and tropical. While we were there, we toyed with the idea of getting a married license issued Key West (Monroe County). When we went to Las Vegas last year, we traipsed down to the courthouse and got our marriage license on Valentine’s Day. It was valid for one year. (At any time, we could have flown out to Nevada and gotten married anywhere in Clark County.) Unfortunately, it’s expired now, so we won’t be eloping in Vegas anytime soon. It would have been a cute tradition to pick up marriage licenses from all of our vacation spots. However, we decided against it because marriage licenses in Monroe County cost $93.50, and that’s a bit expensive for a souvenir piece of paper.

Anyway, today, while we were waiting in the airport for our return flight to depart, we heard a squeal from the other side of our gate. Apparently, two twenty-something recently wedded couples ran into each other again. I overheard part of their conversation. (It was kind of hard not to. They were very animated or intoxicated. I wasn’t sure which.) During their respective vacations, both grooms “lost” their wedding bands. One lost it while jetskiing while the other lost his ring while digging in the sand. These two couples have only been married for a week and two weeks respectively. Both brides took their husbands to get replacement rings during their vacations.
I have never heard of a groom losing his wedding band while jetskiing (and if you have, please let me know), nor have I ever heard of a groom losing his ring while building a sandcastle on the beach.

My engagement ring is bulky (not because it is a big honkin’ rock, but because it has some crazy raised filigree work), loose, and prone to catch on everything, and I’ve never lost it. I even went sea kayaking while on vacation this week, and it didn’t even slip off my hand.
Now, I have heard of guys taking off their rings while working with finger-ripping machinery, but I highly doubt these American Eagle hubbys were running a lathe on their vacations. I’ve also heard of newly-wedded grooms taking off their rings when their wives aren’t around, or even losing them while stuffing dollar bills in a stripper’s g-string. I’m not saying that these two guys did any such thing… but losing your wedding band while jetskiing? C’mon.

 

Losing my poop.

D. and I did a bunch of wedding related stuff this past weekend in Leesburg, VA, and I promise I’ll write about it and post pictures, but right now, I’m losing my poop.

I am sitting here at work, doing regular work things, and I got blindslided by stupid wedding worries. It’s really lame. There are many reasons why I’ve dubbed myself ManicBride, and this is a prime example. I’m worrying about things that are over a year away!! Stupid things like breach of contract and rain plans.

We really should elope. I know it. We will save money and my mind. But, we both want a wedding. Not a big, crazy, princess wedding. Just a fun, casual summer wedding with a picnic/BBQ reception. I don’t want to be restricted by stupid wedding rules. It’s just 40 people, by god. I don’t want to worry. I don’t even need this to be perfect. I just need it to reflect our personalities and our sentimentality.

I’m all spooked from my conversation this past weekend with Carol, from the Norris House Inn. I’m afraid that everything is going to go awry at the last minute, with limitations and additional fees and random crap falling through.

 

Bizarre officiant dream

Last night, I had a dream that D. and I asked Jerry Seinfeld to be our officiant. We had a serious conversation while sitting at cafeteria table. I explained that one of the reasons why we really wanted him to officiate was because he has a Jewish background, and it was important for me to have a male Jewish officiant who was funny.
It’s true; I would prefer a male Jewish officiant who was funny, but I’m not going to hit up comedy clubs for officiants. I would like a Rabbi to officiate because I would like to incorporate certain aspects of a Jewish ceremony.
This dream was so bizarre because I don’t find Seinfeld to be that funny. If I could choose any professional comic to officiate, he would not be one of my top picks. D. and I had considered having Hack and Slash officiate, but their going rate is about $2500.